Category Archives: amusements

Well Who Knew?

Today I made an Astonishing discovery. I can’t claim I’m the first as someone obviously got there before me. What is it?

Tomatoes have bones!

They must have. Because this morning I found this tin of Tomato Fillets in my local supermarket.

Tomato Fillets

I mean if tomatoes don’t have bones, how can you fillet them?

Most curious.

I shall open the tin with curiosity … and some caution just in case they’re on springs as well.

Why I am a Chemist

There was an interesting article by Ashutosh Jogalekar on Scientific American Blogs yesterday called Why I am a chemist.

Ash makes many good points, but especially that chemistry underlies all the biology and physics and engineering that we see about us. Without chemistry (the design, synthesis and understanding of materials) we would have none of that: nothing from the early smelting of iron and bronze, through the Romans’ skills with glass, right through to modern concrete and carbon fibre.

Yes, chemistry encompasses everything from the synthesis of smelly bubbling green liquids, through the power of detergents, to a deep understanding of molecular structure via spectroscopy (which is what I did) and quantum mechanics.

All of this is chemistry. And it all underpins our world, both artificial and natural. Without chemistry we wouldn’t have modern anti-cancer drugs, or modern anaesthetics; we wouldn’t understand the biochemistry underlying photosynthesis; we wouldn’t have air-bags in cars or rockets that can take us to the Moon and beyond.

That is why I trained as a chemist. I wanted to understand how these things worked. (Although I probably couldn’t have put it is so many words at the time.)

And I am still sad that I had to give it all up because the mid-1970s recession meant there were no sensible jobs for chemists. That’s what happens in a recession, we lose the skills we’ve invested in, because no-one can afford to invest for the future. I can understand why, and it is a fine line to walk, but it is short-sighted especially when the education system is so unattractive as a job option that those who are displaced are lost to the discipline and not even attracted to teach and enthuse a future generation.

Would I do things differently if I had my time over again? Probably yes, if I knew then what I know now. I would certainly have worked harder (not difficult) to stay in research. And I might have looked more favourably on teaching. I certainly would have liked to continue as a working scientist rather than “selling out” (as my father saw it) to commerce. Science is much more fun that selling things.

Could I go back to it? No, not now, after nearly 40 years out of the field — much as I might like to. But at least I have retained a broad interest in science, and not just chemistry, so with luck I can still enthuse a few others along their path.

And it is still the simple things in science that enthral me. How metals are smelted. Why snowflakes have six-fold symmetry. How compounds are light sensitive. How detergents work.

Quotes : Terry Pratchett

Just for a change I thought that for something different this time around we would have a few choice quotes (from among so many) from Terry Pratchett.

Granny grasped her broomstick purposefully. ‘Million-to-one chances,’ she said, ‘crop up nine times out of ten.’
[Equal Rites]

Few religions are definite about the size of Heaven, but on the planet Earth the Book of Revelation (ch. XXI, v.16) gives it as a cube 12,000 furlongs on a side. This is somewhat less than 500,000,000,000,000,000,000 cubic feet. Even allowing that the Heavenly Host and other essential services take up at least two thirds of this space, this leaves about one million cubic feet of space for each human occupant- assuming that every creature that could be called ‘human’ is allowed in, and the human race eventually totals a thousand times the numbers of humans alive up until now. This is such a generous amount of space that it suggests that room has also been provided for some alien races or — a happy thought — that pets are allowed.
[The Last Hero]

[…] discredited gods and unlicensed thieves, ladies of the night and pedlars in exotic goods, alchemists of the mind and strolling mummers; in short, all the grease on civilization’s axle.
[Equal Rites]

‘Look at the bird.’
It was perched on a branch by a fork in the tree, next to what looked like a birdhouse, and nibbling at a piece of roughly round wood it held in one claw.
‘Must be an old nest they’re repairing,’ said Lu-Tze. ‘Can’t have got that advanced this early in the season.’
‘Looks like some kind of old box to me,’ said Lobsang. He squinted to see better. ‘Is it an old … clock?’ he added.
‘Look at what the bird is nibbling,’ suggested Lu-Tze.
‘Well, it looks like … a crude gearwheel? But why —’
‘Well spotted. That, lad, is a clock cuckoo.’

[Thief of Time]

‘Maybe there are things worth putting up a fight for.’
‘And they are —?’ said Pestilence, looking round.
‘Salad-cream sandwiches. You just can’t beat them. That tang of permitted emulsifiers? Marvellous.’

[Thief of Time]

BRenglish

Continuing our occasional series on the now prevalent appalling use of the English language.

In the last couple of days we’ve taken the train on a journey down to Somerset and back (more of which anon) and have been subjected to the vagaries of the English language as perpetrated by train company staff (I was going to say BR, but of course it no longer exists!).

There is the now ubiquitous Train Manager (I think they mean Guard or Ticket Inspector) speak:

We will be arriving into [station]

Our next station stop is [station].

And there is Buffet Steward-ese:

We will be serving teas, coffees and hot chocolates, hot and cold snacks, … and an on-board chef.

But yesterday I heard for the first time a new one from a Train Manager:

If you require any further information please ask from myself [name].

Maybe we need to get Jamie Oliver to sort out Train Company English rather than School Dinners?

A Lot of Disappointment

As I always do I’ve just been looking at the catalogue for our local auction house and I’m disappointed in this month’s sale. There are markedly fewer lots than normal, there’s nothing to interest me and the descriptions are abnormally dull. These are the sort of highlights:

2 Muhammad Ali boxing puppets, in plastic with mechanical arms and blue shirt

A good quality 9ct gold muff chain
[Just right for your collection of vajazzling gems!]

A collection of souvenir spoons, cufflinks, scent bottles, two jade animal figurines, six wristwatches … silver filigree llama …

A Bouteille thermo flask, a bottle holder, a world globe, bells, a stickleback fish.

A cast iron terrier relieving himself …

Six wooden handled Lyman bullet moulds, silver plated coasters, sugar nips, and two stuffed canaries in a glass case.

An antique Tibetan monk’s stool in carved and polychrome wood
[Hmmm … nice … human coprolite]

A stuffed baby alligator.

Must do better next month!

Bred for Marketing

Yesterday we were in Norwich seeing my aged mother (more of which maybe later) and as is our wont we dropped into a branch of the small local supermarket, Roy’s of Wroxham, for a loaf of bread. What we bought was a granary loaf, but with a difference as the wrapper declared it to be

Made from Scratch

Duh!

Links What You May Have Missed

A pretty mixed bag of the curious and interesting which you may have missed in this instalment. Let’s start with the historical …

Archaeologists reckon they’ve located the exact site, and part of the structure of, the Curtain theatre in London’s Shoreditch area, which was used by Shakespeare prior to The Globe.

Meanwhile on the south coast some other archaeologists have discovered wall paintings of a dozen or so medieval ships in a Winchelsea cellar. That has to be worth a visit!

Elsewhere historians are puzzling over the possibility that the ancients were also visited by UFOs and flying saucers.

From ancient history to natural history … You always wanted to know about turtle sex, didn’t you? Well here’s a disquisition on the terrifying sex organs of male turtles. We’re promised girlie turtle anatomy to follow.

While on the subject of sex (well you just knew there’d be more, didn’t you!) back in 2006 an American Roman Catholic nun and theologian wrote a sensible book about sex and relationships. But now the Vatican has decided it doesn’t like the content and has banned it. What price Galileo?

Now, what will the medics come up with next? Oh, I know, fungi. After investigating the bacteria and viruses which reside in our guts they’ve now started to investigate similarly located fungi.

Scientists have also been investigating whether whether human farts are germ-laden, or merely malodorous. Turns out they are germ-laden, but only if you’re naked.

So now for something a little more appealing. Emily is getting married. (Well people will do it, y’know!) But what’s this? The latest wedding accessory appears to be … a birdcage! Her only question is “why?“!!

And finally while on the subject of nubiles, didn’t you always want to know what was inside Kylie’s knickers? Well now you can thanks to a surprisingly interesting collection of X-ray images of of everyday objects as art.

Toodle pip!

In Case You Missed …

Another selection of links to things yu may have missed and which interested/amused me. This episode is in random order.

First of all a satirical comment on the effects of gay marriage.

Why do some people hate raw tomatoes but others don’t? Jennifer Ouellette investigates.

I am not alone. Someone else agrees with me about top freedom, if not about actual nudity.

Shit and other scatalogical verbiage.

The church of St Andrew, Greensted-juxta-Ongar is apparently the world’s oldest surviving wooden church. I went there half a lifetime ago and it is a delight.

There are new editions of two historical cookbooks: The Medieval Cookbook and The Classical Cookbook. One for culinary adventurers, I think.

And finally a recipe to live long and prosper: keep eating those nuts.

Enjoy!