Yeah, I know it’s the silly season. Everyone is on holiday and the media is being run by caretaker journos who don’t know one end of a biro from the other. But really, you’d think it was All Fool’s Day!

In the last couple of days we’ve had not one but two, yes, two, patently stupid stories blown up out of all proportion.

Today there appeared this superb notice at Farringdon Station on the London Underground.

Yes, it got seriously reported this morning. Until it became apparent to even the least intelligent that it was a most excellent hoax. So how do we know it’s a hoax? Do all ladies wear trousers and socks? Does no-one wear shorts? A real H&S concern would have covered these, wouldn’t it; and probably closed the station? Whoever perpetrated it should be really pleased for they did an excellent job of conning the unwary.

I just hope that if the perpetrator was a London Underground employee his (or her) bosses see the funny side of the prank: they certainly should do.

But that was just an amusing diversion compared with my second case: a lion on the loose in Essex.

Now look, good burghers of Essex, we know you have the reputation for not being the sharpest knives around, but … A lion? In St Osyth? Really!?!?!?

I’m quite prepared to believe that there’s the odd puma, even leopard, jaguar or lynx, prowling around the English countryside. But lions and tigers — oh my, no! They are just too large, and too hungry, to hide for long.

Yeah precisely, it didn’t hide. There were newspaper photos. Yes they were all of a male lion. And what was reported? A lioness. Yes, those photos are known to be fakes, made up by the press, for the press because they had nothing else to go on.

Mind you, we can’t really blame you Essex girlies for taking it all seriously, when the local plod’s reaction is totally OTT. As usual Heresy Corner does the demolition job. The Essex Constabulary were found wanting in the intelligence stakes.

Still I suppose it’s more fun than the pranks of assorted government ministers, City bankers and press barons. Oh, hang on. Isn’t that where we came in?

So if anyone can genuinely find, with 30 days, killer mice within 5 miles of St Osyth or an unclaimed lioness on the loose at Farringdon Station, I’ll eat my hat — as long as it’s a chocolate hat, that is!