Category Archives: amusements

Where does it all come from?

Our local auction houses seem to have had a quiet time recently, presumably because of summer holidays, but one has a bumper sale coming up this week. It contains the usual curiously described and strangely juxtaposed tat amongst a selection of rather nice (if boring) old silverware, fish knives etc. Here’s a selection that caught my eye. As so often the sting is in the tail with many of these.

Two portraits of young women, said to be Christine Keeler and Mandy Rice-Davies, each bearing signature Stephen Ward and dated (19)62, framed as a pair.
[Framed as a pair they were indeed!]

A silver ‘toy’ cherub on a bench, another by an incomplete easel, another playing patience at a separate table, London import marks … and an indistinctly marked cherub on a pig.

A collection of Golliwog china.
[Thought you weren’t supposed to say Golliwog these days?]

An impressive pair of Indian part-silver anklets, hinged and with pin fastening, each chased with a lion amongst foliage. circa 1900
[Duh?]

Six early bike and street lamps.

A Pedigree doll with opening eyes
[I hope it’s registered with the Kennel Club]

A quantity of early vales.
[¿Que?]

A varied and interesting lot to include 1960′s wallpaper sample books, sewing items including wool, thread, buttons, buckles, embroidery items, fabric, ladies’ clothes, bags, umbrellas, purses, cane, etc.
[The contents of the back of someone’s wardrobe?]

A wooden double stoned doll’s house with metal windows and ’tiled’ roof …
[One spliff not enough, eh?]

Miscellaneous small items including three green glass eye baths and one blue example, brassware, ceramics, etc., and a Billy Bunter book.

A lion mask bras doorknocker.
[Brings a whole new concept to the meaning of “knockers”]

A stuffed pheasant and a similar owl.
[You know you always wanted one!]

A pair of ibex horns on a wooden mound.
[Just to complete the medieval great hall]

An interesting lot including a quantity of university graduation robes with makers’ names, including Ryder & Amies, Cambridge (red and black); also a carton of related objects including sashes, ermine trimmed capes, mortar boards, velvet berets, etc.
[Bought your degree? Complete the set with some cast-off robes]

And no, I really don’t make these up!

Characters Wot I Invented

We probably all do it. I certainly do. Invent fictional (and often humorous) characters that is. Characters we’d like to have inhabit our stories. So here’s a challenge … Tell us five of your fictional and humorous characters (and if possible a little about them). Here are some of mine.

Ii Ng. He’s a young Japanese fashion designer.

Armin Plaastar. Young Dutch Ski Instructor. He was never quite good enough to compete in the top downhill races as he specialises in skiing on shallow slopes.

Berrick Salome. Top drawer antiques dealer somewhere in the Home Counties, probably Berkshire or Buckinghamshire.

Sir Chiltern Waternut. Retired diplomat. Specialist in Arab affairs. Always wears a tweed jacket and pince-nez.

Gaysha Bottle. 6-year-old, East End, trainee tart. Sister of Chardonnay-Madonna Bottle (age 10).

Of course there are lots more possibilities and even categories: companies, places, popular music combos, products and even books.

So, without giving away the plot of your next novel, how about you tell us a few of yours? In fact let’s make this a meme so I can tag: Katy, Noreen, Jilly, Antonia, Tim.

Fact of the Week

You can’t comb a hairy ball smoothly. Or to state it more correctly in topology: any smooth vector field on a sphere has a singular point.

[from Ian Stewart, Professor Stewart’s Hoard of Mathematical Treasures]