What happened in 2007? Here are some of the highlights …

January
US commits even more troops to Iraq in the name of preventing violence.

February
H5N1 Bird Flu confirmed on a turkey farm in Suffolk; it’s been imported from Eastern Europe.
Heavy snow in parts of western UK surprises everyone – can’t have snow, it’s winter!
One woman dies in rail crash in Cumbria caused by failures in track maintenance.

March
Pakistan cricket coach Bob Woolmer found dead in Jamaica during Cricket World Cup amid match fixing row; cause of death never properly established. Negotiation of film rights expected to conclude imminently.
Power-sharing returns to Northern Ireland when Protestant Ian Paisley and Catholic Gerry Adams meet face to face for the first time ever; but they don’t have the courtesy to shake hands.
Unfit for purpose Home Office split into two unfit for purpose ministries, further confusing everyone including the judiciary.
BBC journalist Alan Johnston is kidnapped in Gaza; he is released in July.

April
Earthquake in Folkestone; no-one is hurt.

May
Blonde tot Madeleine McCann abducted in Portugal and we never hear the last of it.
Fire fails to destroy the Cutty Sark.

June
Tony Blair finally steps down as Prime Minister after 10 years and is succeeded by Gordon “Bottler” Brown – away with the deceitful, in with the asset-stripping accountant.
Crap logo for 2012 London Olympics unveiled; video version causes epileptic fits.
Two car bombs left in London’s West End; both fail.
Terrorist attack on Glasgow Airport causes little damage but paralyses everything. As a result thousands have their gas-guzzling, CO2-spewing holiday flights cancelled.
Jacques Chirac loses French presidential election to Nicolas Sarkozy. Anyone noticed the difference?
Severe flooding in Yorkshire at the start of one of the wettest summers on record. York is flooded – nothing new there then.

July
Severe flooding in western England following further interminable amounts of rain. Thousands of houses built in flood plains are submerged.

August
Outbreak of Foot & Mouth Disease in South-East England; turns out it is released from a government research facility and vaccine production plant.
Billions wiped off London Stock Market in sharp falls across the world caused by the collapse of the sub-prime loans market in the US.
Wildfires spread across Greece.

September
Bank of England has to provide £10B loan to prevent Northern Rock becoming bankrupt; the government continue to pump taxpayers’ money in to support Northern Rock and its shareholders
Bluetongue Disease arrives in England; this time the weather is blamed.
BBC admits to fixing the results of polls on programmes like children’s show Blue Peter.
Jose Mourinho (who?) sacked as manager of Chelsea FC.
Death of tenor Luciano Pavarotti; “Nestling Dormouse” is heard the length and breadth of the land.
“Saffron Revolt” of Buddhist monks in Burma is brutally crushed by the military regime.

October
Lewis Hamilton fails to win Formula One Grand Prix championship at the first attempt. It was ever thus.
Inquest into the 1997 death of Princess Diana finally opens in London. What’s the point, anyone?

Prime Minister Gordon Brown bottles it by not calling a general election when expected to do so.
Sir Menzies Campbell resigns as leader of the Liberal Democrats; he’s too old at 66.
Former US Vice-President Al Gore wins Nobel Peace Prize for flying millions of miles a year while campaigning on the environment.
Bush fires rip through California (no, not that Bush – for once!)

November
Four fire-fighters die in vegetable warehouse blaze.
Cruise liner Explorer sinks in Antarctica after hitting an iceberg; all passengers and crew cold but rescued.
The Spice Girls begin their reunion tour. Why?
The Queen and Prince Philip celebrate their diamond (60th) wedding anniversary.
HM Revenue & Customs lose 25 million taxpayers’ personal details on two lightly encrypted data CDs.
In football England surprise no-one by failing to qualify for the 2008 European Cup.
English teacher arrested and nearly executed in Sudan for allowing children to name a teddy bear Muhammad.
“Drowned canoeist” John Darwin reappears after 5 years and is promptly arrested for fraud.
Another outbreak of H5N1 bird flu threatens to disrupt the supply of Christmas turkeys; sadly it doesn’t.
Declaration of state of emergency in Pakistan, thus postponing elections and prolonging the military regime – a key ally of the US.

December
Several large food retailers fined for price fixing of dairy products. You mean you’d not noticed they all charged the same prices?
More outbreaks of Bluetongue Disease in different parts of the UK.
Christmas comes round again.
Assassination of Pakistan opposition leader Benazir Bhutto; turmoil follows, further threatening the prospect of elections.
Kenyan elections end in chaos and allegations of vote-rigging.
“Mini-Starlet” Kylie Minogue features at the top of the New Year Honours List.

So all-in-all a pretty crap year. Now can we rise to the challenge of making 2008 even worse?