Two pieces from the Feedback column in New Scientist of 13 February which especially “amused” me.

The care instructions for the dog kennel John Straede bought advised: “Hand wash in warm water with mild detergent.  Do not spin dry.”

Secondly, and probably more worryingly …

FEEDBACK has observed that the word “quantum” often translates to “magic” or “expensive fruitloop magic remedy”.  Threatening to put this observation on a sound academic footing, Graham Barrow carried out a pilot literature-survey.

In just 5 minutes a famous web search engine showed him many variants, starting with – of course! – “quantum crystal healing”.  Then there was “quantum kinesiology”, which presumably begins with the recipient’s arm in a superposition of floppiness and firmness, and “quantum reflexology”, which could lead to your feet changing position without passing through intervening space – handy for avoiding the cracks in the pavement.

“Quantum homeopathy” is so obvious in retrospect that we’re ashamed we didn’t invent it: the remedy does and does not contain any molecule of the claimed active substance, until you open the bottle.

In “quantum acupuncture” we imagine the needle both punctures the skin and misses it altogether.  And would a “quantum massage” involve a hand all over your body at once?  But what on earth, or anywhere else, is “quantum reiki”?  We fear there may be answers – and more examples.

Like Feedback, my mind boggles slightly over the concept of “quantum reiki”.  What’s worse is that in about two minutes I have found “quantum hypnosis”, “quantum dowsing” and “quantum meditation”.  I think I might be getting an attack of quantum worry!