Another round of recently encountered quotes to amuse and enlighten.
I do not believe anything. Most people, even the educated, think that everybody must “believe” something or other, that if one is not a theist, one must be a dogmatic atheist, and if one does not think Capitalism is perfect, one must believe fervently in Socialism, and if one does not have blind faith in X, one must alternatively have blind faith in not-X, or the reverse of X. My own opinion is that belief is the death of intelligence.
[Robert Anton Wilson]
If a problem is fixable, there is no need to worry … If it’s not fixable, then there is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
[Dalai Lama]
None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.
[Nanea Hoffman at Sweatpants and Coffee]
Human ingenuity is unceasing. The first mechanical clock was introduced to England in the reign of Edward III. It marks the demise of the feudal and seasonal world no less plainly than the advent of the longbow and the decline of the serf. The first reference to a crane, working in a harbour, comes from 1347.
[Peter Ackroyd; The History of England, Volume I: Foundation]
A twelfth-century philosopher, Alexander Neckam, stated that wine should be as clear as the tears of a penitent. He also declared that a good wine should be as sweet-tasting as an almond, as surreptitious as a squirrel, as high-spirited as a roebuck, as strong as a Cistercian monastery, as glittering as a spark of fire, as subtle as the logic of the schools of Paris, as delicate as fine silk, and as cold as crystal. The language of the wine connoisseur has not notably diminished in fancifulness over the centuries.
[Peter Ackroyd; The History of England, Volume I: Foundation]
When we look over the course of human affairs we are more likely than not to find only error and confusion. I have already explained, in the course of this narrative, that the writing of history is often another way of defining chaos. There is in fact a case for saying that human history, as it is generally described and understood, is the sum total of accident and unintended consequence.
[Peter Ackroyd; The History of England, Volume I: Foundation]
Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom.
[Terry Pratchett]
A guy walks up to a Zen master and asks, “Is there life after death?”
The Zen Master says, “How should I know?”
The guy replies indignantly, “Because you’re a Zen master!”
“Yes,” says the Zen master, “but not a dead one.”
[Brad Warner; Hardcore Zen]
Devoe Pant by Steven Alan.
High rise, pull on pants in fluid virgin wool crepe. The Devoe Pants offer a relaxed fit inspired by handmade ceramics and abstract art objects. Featuring a single rear open patch pocket, gathered waist and cropped leg.
[Only 209ukp from Couverture & the Garbstore]
When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.
[W Somerset Maugham]
When people walk away, let them. Your future is not about people who walk away. It’s about the people who stay in it for the ride.
France embodies everything religious zealots everywhere hate: enjoyment of life here on earth in a myriad little ways: a fragrant cup of coffee and buttery croissant in the morning, beautiful women in short dresses smiling freely on the street, the smell of warm bread, a bottle of wine shared with friends, a dab of perfume, children playing in the Luxembourg Gardens, the right not to believe in any god, not to worry about calories, to flirt and smoke and enjoy sex outside of marriage, to take vacations, to read any book you want, to go to school for free, to play, to laugh, to argue, to make fun of prelates and politicians alike, to leave worrying about the afterlife to the dead. No country does life on earth better than the French.
[New York Times; 14 November 2015]
It is important to remember, nothing about what these assholes [the ones bombing Paris] are trying to do is going to work. France is going to endure and I’ll tell you why. If you are in a war of culture and lifestyle with France, good fucking luck. Go ahead, bring your bankrupt ideology. They’ll bring Jean-Paul Sartre, Edith Piaf, fine wine, Gauloise cigarettes, Camus, Camembert, madeleines, macarons, and the fucking croquembouche. You just brought a philosophy of rigorous self-abnegation to a pastry fight, my friend. You are fucked.
[John Oliver, quoted by Brad Warner at Hardcore Zen]
At 70 years old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to use the words “fuck off” much more frequently.
-Helen Mirren

If a problem is fixable, there is no need to worry.
If it’s not fixable, then there is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
[Dalai Lama]

More words of amusement or erudition encountered in recently historical times.
If you only read the books that everyone else is reading, you can only think what everyone else is thinking.
[Haruki Murakami; Norwegian Wood]
The most important thing we learn at school is the fact that the most important things can’t be learned at school.
[Haruki Murakami; What I Talk About When I Talk About Running]
I believe that to meet the challenges of our times, human beings will have to develop a greater sense of universal responsibility. Each of us must learn to work not just for one self, one’s own family or one’s nation, but for the benefit of all humankind. Universal responsibility is the key to human survival, it is the foundation for world peace.
[Dalai Lama]
Self-praise is for losers. Be a winner. Stand for something. Always have class, and be humble.
[John Madden]
Nothing, not even sheer ability, can make up for the dedication required for a successful business career.
[Ray Eppert]
When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead. It is difficult only for the others. It is the same when you are stupid.
1st October 1983. I mend a puncture on my bike. I get pleasure out of being able to do simple, practical jobs — mending a fuse, changing a wheel, jump-starting the car — because these are not accomplishments generally associated with a temperament like mine. I tend to put sexual intercourse in this category too.
[Alan Bennett; Diaries]
Every time you get upset at something, ask yourself if you were to die tomorrow, was it worth wasting your time being angry?
[Robert Tew]
I’d rather do something that’s considered “weird” that makes me happy instead of being boring and sad like the rest of you.
It freaks me out when people in religious institutions try to limit choice, as in the case of anti-abortion legislation. Abortion may or may not be immoral, depending on your view of life, non-harming, karma or whatever, but I think far more important than prohibiting someone from doing something you think is wrong is encouraging people to take responsibility for their own ethical choices. Religion shouldn’t be about keeping or forcing people from doing “wrong” but encouraging people to take control of their own lives and ethical choices, which is why framing the debate in terms of “choice” is so important.
[Gesshin Greenwood at http://thatssozen.blogspot.co.uk/2015/10/how-you-spend-your-time-is-how-you-live.html]
Clients do not come first. Employees come first. If you take care of your employees, they will take care of the clients.
[Richard Branson]

The kaleidoscopically flamboyant Ms Batmanghelidjh — looking more than ever like a pile of Aladdin’s laundry …
[Michael Deacon; Daily Telegraph; 16 October 2015]
For something to exist, it has to be observed. For something to exist, it has to have a position in time and space. And this explains why nine-tenths of the mass of the universe is unaccounted for. Nine-tenths of the universe is the knowledge of the position and direction of everything in the other tenth … Nine-tenths of the universe, in fact, is the paperwork.
[Terry Pratchett; Thief of Time]
The gross and net result of it is that people who spent most of their natural lives riding iron bicycles over the rocky roadsteads of this parish get their personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycle as a result of the interchanging of the atoms of each of them and you would be surprised at the number of people in these parts who are nearly half people and half bicycles … when a man lets things go so far that he is more than half a bicycle, you will not see him so much because he spends a lot of his time leaning with one elbow on walls or standing propped by one foot at kerbstones.
[Flann O’Brien, The Third Policeman; hat-tip Atomic Flâneur]

Another selection of interesting and/or amusing quotes encountered …
How amazing it is that we drink water from a tap and never once worry about dying forty-eight hours later from cholera.
[Steven Johnson, How We Got to Now: Six Innovations That Made the Modern World]
Our lives are surrounded and supported by a whole class of objects that are enchanted with the ideas and creativity of thousands of people who came before us: inventors and hobbyists and reformers who steadily hacked away at the problem of making artificial light or clean drinking water so that we can enjoy those luxuries today without a second thought, without even thinking of them as luxuries in the first place … We are indebted to those people every bit as much as, if not more than, we are to the kings and conquerors and magnates of traditional history.
[Steven Johnson, How We Got to Now: Six Innovations That Made the Modern World]
Johannes Gutenberg’s printing press created a surge in demand for spectacles, as the new practice of reading made Europeans across the continent suddenly realize that they were farsighted; the market demand for spectacles encouraged a growing number of people to produce and experiment with lenses, which led to the invention of the microscope, which shortly thereafter enabled us to perceive that our bodies were made up of microscopic cells. You wouldn’t think that printing technology would have anything to do with the expansion of our vision down to the cellular scale, just as you wouldn’t have thought that the evolution of pollen would alter the design of a hummingbird’s wing. But that is the way change happens.
[Steven Johnson, How We Got to Now: Six Innovations That Made the Modern World]
If we lie to the government it’s a felony. But if they lie to us it’s politics.
[Bill Murray]
The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.
[Ogden Nash]
You cannot perform in a manner inconsistent with the way you see yourself.
[Zig Ziglar]
He was a man of middle age and, to judge by his bowler hat and frock coat, of the official class, and his umbrella had caught alight. I do not know how this can have happened. I passed him in a taxicab, and saw him in the centre of a small crowd, grasping it still by the handle and holding it at arm’s length so that the flames should not scorch him.
[Evelyn Waugh, Labels; hat-tip Stephen Holden]
By default, any good book that is more than 10 years old is filled with life-changing ideas. Why? Because bad books are forgotten after a decade or two. Any lasting book must be filled with ideas that stand the test of time. Meanwhile, the news is filled with fleeting information. We justify paying attention to the media because we think it makes us informed, but being informed is useless when most of the information will be unimportant by tomorrow. The news is just a television show and, like most TV shows, the goal is not to deliver the most accurate version of reality, but the version that keeps you watching. You wouldn’t want to stuff your body with low quality food. Why cram your mind with low quality thoughts?
[James Clear in “Overrated vs. Underrated: Common Beliefs We Get Wrong” at http://jamesclear.com/overrated-underrated]
We love status. We want pins and medallions on our jackets. We want power and prestige in our titles. We want to be acknowledged, recognized, and praised. It’s too bad all of those make for hollow leaders. Great teams require great teammates. Nowhere is that more true that at the top. No leader ever became worse by thinking about their teammates more.
[James Clear in “Overrated vs. Underrated: Common Beliefs We Get Wrong” at http://jamesclear.com/overrated-underrated]
Learning, growth, and improvement are undervalued in the name of getting faster results.
[James Clear in “Overrated vs. Underrated: Common Beliefs We Get Wrong” at http://jamesclear.com/overrated-underrated]
Life has no meaning. Each of us has meaning and we bring it to life.
[Joseph Campbell]
The propagandist’s purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human.
[Aldous Huxley]
One of the biggest and most important tools of theoretical physics is the wastebasket.
[Richard P Feynman]

Sometimes people are not capable
of receiving the generosity we give them.
[Ethan Nichtern]

It’s time for another selection of interesting, amusing and though-provoking quotes encountede over recent weeks.
It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.
[Charles Darwin]
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more mysterious.
[Will Durant]
Apparently dudes are being jackasses on the internet again? Must be a day ending in “y”.
[@cjlemire on Twitter]
Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
[George Bernard Shaw (allegedly)]
It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!
[Friedrich Nietzsche]
When people do not ignore what they should ignore, but ignore what they should not ignore, this is ignorance.
[Chuang Tzu]
As time goes on, you’ll understand. What lasts, lasts; what doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. And what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.
[Haruki Murakami]
[W]e need to grow the fuck up … Society needs to come to terms with the fact that some of us like pleasurable pursuits. A person shouldn’t feel guilty or shame for being naked any more than someone should feel guilt or shame for enjoying a ripe peach … If it really bothers you, maybe you need to take a long look at yourself and figure out why it bothers you. Just because you’re offended doesn’t give you the right to keep someone from enjoying their own body and the environment.
[Mark Haskell Smith, Naked at Lunch: A Reluctant Nudist’s Adventures in the Clothing-Optional World quoted at https://naturistphilosopher.wordpress.com/2015/07/25/book-review-naked-at-lunch/]
Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn’t there, and finding it.
[Oscar Wilde]
I was reading a book which included the phrase “in these days of political correctness” talking about no longer making jokes that denigrated people for their culture or for the colour of their skin. And I thought, “That’s not actually anything to do with political correctness. That’s just treating other people with respect.” I started imagining a world in which we replaced the phrase “politically correct” wherever we could with “treating other people with respect” and it made me smile. You should try it. It’s peculiarly enlightening. I know what you’re thinking now. You’re thinking “Oh my god, that’s treating other people with respect gone mad!”
[Neil Gaiman]
The behaviour of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies.
[Robert Conquest]
A measurement of length frequently used by Leonardo is the braccio. The word means ‘arm’, and is thus equivalent to the old English ell (no longer in use as a measure but still heard in ‘elbow’, which is where your ell bows).
[Charles Nicholl, Leonardo da Vinci: The Hights of the Mind]

We all have that one ex that changed us.

Another collection of quotes, both interesting and amusing, gathered over recent weeks.
The better half applied hot soapy water to it, as is her way with things she encounters. It is the same as tom cats pissing on them, a way of taking ownership — but much more hygienic.
[Robin Bynoe]
We’ve been taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things.
[Nate Pyle, How to See a Woman: A Conversation Between a Father and Son]
This is a filthy people, wallowing in vice. Of all peoples it is the least instructed in the rudiments of the Faith. They do not yet pay tithes or first fruits or contract marriages. They do not attend God’s church with due reverence.
[Giraldus Cambrensis, History and Topography of Ireland, III.98 AD 1185]

Wine is sunlight held together by water.
[Galileo]
When asked by my 11 year old last week what Quantum Physics was about, I was able to answer: ‘It’s exactly like a mille feuille, but in space.’  She said: ‘What’s a mille feuille?’ To which I responded: ‘It’s like a vanilla slice, but in universal terms I am sure there’s no icing on it, and I’d go for confectioner’s custard over cream. It holds the space time continuum together better. Are we clear now?’ To which she responded: ‘Yes.’
[Katy Wheatley at Katyboo1’s Weblog]
The elephant is a dainty bird
It flits from bough to bough,
It makes its nest in a rhubarb tree,
And whistles, like a cow.
[No-one seems to know the author, although many are suggested]
The state has an interest in preventing us from thinking independently, and it cultivates and exploits our worst tendencies in order to do so, for grownup citizens are more trouble than they’re worth … We all suffer from the fact that we have no appealing models of adulthood — young people who fear that there’s nothing to look forward to as well as older people who fear they need to resign themselves to being able to do nothing interesting or meaningful after a certain point in their lives. It is this view that is profoundly unhealthy.
[Susan Neiman, quoted by Brad Warner at Hardcore Zen]
The real sign of maturity is when you can actually be who you are rather than what someone else thinks you ought to be.
[Brad Warner at Hardcore Zen]
It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
[Henry Longfellow]
You have to accept the fact that some people will always stay in your heart, even if you are already gone in theirs.
[Unknown]
… ethics based on external reference points like religion or philosophy will always be inferior to the ethical system I cultivate myself through thinking, reflection, and cultivating empathy.
[Gesshin Greenwood at That’s So Zen]
Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.
[Charlie Chaplin]

Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude.
[Ralph Marston]