I suspect all my friends who are parents will appreciate this …

This, from Private Eye

Seen today on Facebook …

Here’s the latest in the odd and eccentric from our local auction house catalogue. Sadly on this occasion there are no stuffed capybara, but there is …
A large oil portrait of a gentleman seated half-length with a cello and bow, wearing a blue jacket, white stock and frilled cuffs …
[What sort of eccentric dresses his ‘cello?]
A large William IV gilt chimney glass with scrolling leaf and flower decoration
[WTF? Oh it’s a mirror.]
A collection of South or Central American stone carvings, Pre-Columbian or later, comprising a large mask, a dagger, an engraved fragment, a ring, and seven other small pieces
[Well that covers a multitude of sins. Basically we have no clue what date they are; could be anything from the Creation to yesterday.]
Tribal art African hardwood elephant seat on carved base
A vintage Japanese ‘sit up and beg’ bicycle ‘Tomtom Fruits’ by Shiga Maruishi No. 89416632
[No, even having seen a photo, it doesn’t make sense to me either!]
A quantity of picture frames, a leather travelling make up case from Harrods, photo frames, plant pots, glass jars, a stacking system of shelves, Laurel & Hardy fridge magnets, crafting items
Five boxes of chilled packaging
[Didn’t know they had a cold store!]
Two shelves of general items including photo frames, flower pots, kitchenalia, a Carltonware Oriental pot, old biscuit tins, crafting colouring items, etc.
[You know you have to worry when you see etc. in a lot description.]
Five suitcases of varying sizes, a quantity of briefcases and sports bags, three small deed boxes and a money tin, a quantity of files, a set of jump leads, etc.
A wooden model sailing boat, a quantity of wooden jewellery boxes, some in oriental style with brass mounts, a silver-plated hipflask, a quantity of animal figurines, revolving wooden hors d’oeuvres set, a Grecian bust on stand, a quantity of Christmas decorations including a snow globe and a wooden Christmas tree ornaments in the shapes of Russian dolls, a Villeroy and Boch Father Christmas trinket box plus others, two Maling lustre bowls and a quantity of American Geographical Society’ Around The World’ programmes including Russia and Venezuela, etc.
[We had this pile of old toot and didn’t know what to do with it.]
A cased Rummy game, two Wedgewood collectors plates, three 1940s Film Award annuals and a cased car DVD player
A small table, the octagonal top interestingly covered in copper and acid etched with leaves and a tray with a display of butterfly wings
[All in the best possible taste.]
A collection of various items including an Imperial -Good Companion cased typewriter, a small quantity of cameras including a Diodem box No2 and Kodak, an old suitcase with original labels including Cunard White Star, a pair of brass candlesticks and a copper warming canister in oak stand

A cast iron unicorn door stop (above)
A large milk churn, hand painted decoration by a local Mouth-artist, a folding garden parasol on hardwood frame and a nest of three metal framed glass topped coffee tables with map inserts
[More great taste!]
A shelf of decorative clown ornaments

A modern musical box surmounted by an elaborate model drum kit, under Perspex cover (above)
A late 19th century Concert Roller Organ, in mahogany with stencilled decoration, with eighteen rollers (below)
[Now that really is interesting; I’ve never seen one of these before.]

An early 19th century set of hand-coloured engraved cards of the Kings of England, in mica paper slip case, a Sallis’s Illustrated Game of Doctor Busby, in original slip case, and a miniature 1871 Royal Wedding edition of The Graphic
A garden ornament of probably Venus, well patinated
A stained glass fire screen, incorporating pieces of old possibly Cathedral glass interposed with newer pieces
A child’s toboggan with metal frame, wooden legs and wooden slats for sitting on, lot also includes a large toy lion with green eyes, pale yellow ochre coat and pale mane
Not the most interesting of sales, although it also contains a quantity of ceramic which sound boring and look hideous.

This is today’s B.C. cartoon. It says “wolf” but it could just as well say dog or cat — especially cat!

This month’s Ten Things brings something completely different …
For many years I have noted many imaginary — totally fictional — names of virtual people as they have happened across my brain. As I am now unlikely to every write a sci-fi or fantasy novel (or indeed any fiction) I bring you a selection for your amusement.

10 Imaginary people:

1. Merkin Hick; American backwoodsman
2. Armin Plaastar; Dutch; ski instructor
3. Geisha Bottle (actually more likely Gaysha); East-End 6-year-old; sister of Chardonnay-Madonna Bottle
4. Ii Ng; Japanese; fashion designer
5. Mugg O’Teaghe; Irish; builder
6. Sir Chiltern Waternut; retired ambassador
7. Willie P Gentleigh; private detective
8. Constant Lambing; farmer
9. Mangoe Stikky; rapper
10. Leena Stagarova; Soviet gymnast

GOK what this says about the state of my brain!