The description of lots in auction catalogues (especially for provincial auctions) always fascinates – nay boggles the mind – as the brevity leads to some very strange outcomes. Here are some of the (recent) best from one of our local auction houses. [My comments in italic.]

A contemporary acrylic on canvas, spring daisies on storks.
The ornithologists have clearly missed this important undiscovered species of large bird.

A large pair of buffalo horns (approx 2m wide) mounted with original hide head piece.
What else would you mount buffalo horns on?  I suppose possibly an Viking helmet?

A 20th century Eccles Minors Safety lamp in brass and white metal, bearing makers label.
Morris Minors, is that?

Wilfred Williams Ball, British school 1853-1917, a mounted and framed watercolour of a Ford alongside a bridge.
I want to know what model of Ford before I bid for this; ‘cos I really hate the Mondeo.

A ladies’ 1950s 9ct gold cased Tudor cocktail watch, having an integral 9ct gold horseshoe link bracelet with ladder clasp
Clearly I’ve missed something in history; I wasn’t aware that the Tudors had watches or cocktails, let alone 20th century reproductions of them.

A Japanese Meiji carved ivory figure of a Geisha holding a fan and parasol wearing a kimono.
Where can I buy a kimono for my parasol?

A Queen Anne style humpback wing armchair, with out-swept arms raised on deep shouldered cabriole legs.
There’s some strange anatomy going on here.  Shoulders with legs?  Cabriole legs at that!

A pair of reconstituted Corinthian columns.
Presumably one buys them in a packet from the supermarket and reconstitutes them with asses milk.