2016 has thrown up so many things which are worthy of a good chortle, and that’s leaving aside all the political stupidities. Let’s follow the scheme of the last couple of years.
Product of the Year
Three contenders for this year’s accolade:
Little Rooster Vaginal Alarm Clock
Camel Balls
Deep-fried Curry-filled Doughnuts which are buried deeply in http://londonist.com/2015/08/w-a-cafe-quirky-japanese-savouries-and-patisserie-in-ealing
Best Unintended Consequence
The prize this year goes to the Scandinavian stationery company Locum for their excellent logo:
Auction Item of the Year (from our local auction house)
This year’s three winners are:
Third: A Brookes Champion Standard B17 reproduction penny farthing
Second: A vintage Agricastrol hand delivery pump for oil in original green cabinet
First: An unusual Edward VIII commemorative toilet roll holder, circa 1936, with an unopened pack of Tri-Sol medicated toilet paper (price 6d)
Poseur of the Year
This award has to go to politician Ed Balls for “Strictly has released my inner Beyoncé“.
Name of the Year
This year’s winner is Dr Wendy Chan She Ping Delfos, a Dietician quoted in Daily Telegraph back on 23 September.
Organisation Name of the Year
The medal goes to the 1920s American firm of architects Corbett Harrison MacMurray Hood Fouilhoux & Crane.
Best Neologism
The prize here has to go to whoever perpetrated gentrification of the mind.
Best Oxymoron
This year’s prize to the National Liberal Club for Afternoon tea is served between 3.30pm and 5.30pm in the (non smoking) Smoking Room
Best Paint Shade
It’s been a difficult year for interior designers, after all they have to comne up with new names for the plethora of paint shades available. Manufacturers Crown and Dulux share the award for the following shades:
Fairy Dust (Crown)
Lavender Cupcake (Crown)
Potting Shed (Crown)
Secret Escape (Crown)
Botanical Extract (Crown)
Chatterbox (Crown)
Scrumptious (Crown)
Berry Smoothie (Dulux)
Wellbeing (Dulux)
Purple Pout (Dulux)
Muddy Puddle (Dulux)
Muddy Puddle (Dulux)
Best Book Title
This is always a popular category and this year we have two winners:
How to Live with a Calculating Cat by Eric Gurney
A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin
Best Academic Paper Title
There was really only one contender this year: Perilous patches and pitstaches: Imagined versus lived experiences of women’s body hair growth.
Best Research Topic
The two awards in this category go to:
‘Unperformable’ music — an ontological approach
101 uses for the sacred foreskin
Most Unusual Sport
Following on from last year’s Elephant Polo, this year we have Tuk-Tuk Polo, which avoids the problems of elephants going on the rampage.
Most Crass Media Statement
Oh dear, there are just so many of these from which to choose, but the jury finally agreed that the award goes to the Guardian headline:
Outstanding News Headlines
Three medals are awarded this year to:
Large Hadron Collider: Weasel causes shutdown (actually the unfortunate animal turned out to be a Beech Marten.
Passengers evacuated at Purley station after train crashes into pheasant
Hitler’s wife’s knickers sold at auction
Best Marketing Bollocks
NOT FOR RELEASE, PUBLICATION OR DISTRIBUTION, IN WHOLE OR IN PART, DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY, IN OR INTO OR FROM THE UNITED STATES, AUSTRALIA, CANADA, JAPAN OR ANY OTHER JURISDICTION WHERE IT IS UNLAWFUL TO RELEASE, PUBLISH OR DISTRIBUTE THIS ANNOUNCEMENT.
[From a government email about sale of Lloyds shares; 28 January 2016]
Hand picked by artisan farmers
[The Real Olive Company tub of Organic Kalamata Olives]
From the sweeping 100ft balcony through to the iconic bed and integrated open fire, The May Fair’s signature Penthouse Suite is a 200-square metre exercise in light, space and opulent style.
[Quoted by Londonist]
And finally we come to …
Do what?
Where we celebrate the intelligibly unintelligible. This year the winner is:
The philosophy of tiddlers is that we maximise the possibilities for re-use by slicing information up into the smallest semantically meaningful units with rich modelling of relationships between them. Then we use aggregation and composition to weave the fragments together to present narrative stories.
TiddlyWiki aspires to provide an algebra for tiddlers, a concise way of expressing and exploring the relationships between items of information.
[From Philosophy of Tiddlers]
Let me know your favourite amusements of the year — and don’t forget to start collecting for 2017!