While being ill I fell to thinking about what Wikipedia calls a Cockney Alphabet:

The Cockney Alphabet is a recital of the English alphabet intended to parody the way the alphabet is taught to small working class children. The ostensible humour comes from forming unexpected words and phrases from the names of the various letters of the alphabet, mocking the way people from East London speak. Cockney is a name given to the working class of East London by the middle and upper classes.

[Note the erroneous definition of Cockney.]

One version (maybe the original?) was recorded in 1936 by comedy duo Clapham & Dwyer, but under the title A Surrealist Alphabet. Their version is reproduced in the Wikipedia entry. As Wikipedia also notes, there are many variants. Here are my preferred variants.

A for ‘orses
B for mutton
C for yourself
D for Kate
E for brick
F for vescence
G for police
H be for beauty
I for Novello
J for oranges
K for teria
L for leather
M for sis
N for lope
O for a pee
P for relief
Q for a bus
R for Askey
S for you
T for two
U for mism
V for la France
W for a bob
X for breakfast
Y for husband
Z for breezes

As always, YMMV.