This year our Ten Things series, on the tenth of each month, is concentrating on things which are wackier than usual, if not by much. From odd road names to Christmas carols by way of saints and scientists. So here goes with March …
Ten Entries from Ambrose Bierce’s The Devil’s Dictionary
- Chop. A piece of leather skilfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants. (right)
- Dentist. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls gold from your pocket.
- Cannon. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
- Noise. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.
- Cat. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.
- Envelope. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.
- Hand. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.
- History. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools.
- Opera. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.
- Adage. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
