2018 has not been a vintage year for amusements, unless you’re one of those people who find the whole current political shambles, both here and in the US, hilarious. Well it is hilarious in the sense that you have to laugh otherwise you’d go mad. Anyway here are this year’s sparce pickings.
Product of the Year
Leaving aside all Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop crap, there really is only one contender this year:
Headline of the Year
A lot of contenders in this category, here are some of the best:
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It’s So Cold in Florida That Iguanas Are Falling Out of the Trees (Time magazine)
Woman’s asparagus tells her Theresa May’s going to quit this year
12 Camels Were Disqualified From A “Camel Beauty Contest” For Using Botox (BuzzFeed)
Paris zoo shut after 50 baboons escape
PSNI appeal over ‘stolen knockers and ding-dongs’
Bakewell pudding sent to the edge of space goes missing
Fisherman who exposed himself in Northern Ireland Tesco blames language mix-up during sausage theft interview
Plonker of the Year
There can be only one winner here: The Prime Minister, Rt Hon. Theresa May MP.
Auction Item of the Year
As I remarked the other day, it hasn’t been a vintage year for items at our local auction house, but this year’s two winners are:
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A carved wood rocking pig ride-on toy
A Husky fridge in the shape of a football
Personal Name of the Year
This year’s best names are squarely in the realm of “nominative determinism”; we have two winners:
- Dr Gerard Clover, Head of Plant Health, RHS (Guardian; 2 March 2018)
Tanya Ferry, Port of London Authority (BBC News, 15 March 2018)
Organisation Name of the Year
An easy winner here:
Animal of the Year
Two winners here:
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Red Handfish (below), which propels itself by walking along the sea floor.
Roraima Bush Toad, a small amphibian that, in the face of danger, curls itself into a ball and rolls away.
Colour of the Year
There was really only one contender in this category:
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Goose Turd Green
Marketing Bollocks of the Year
We love marketing bollocks! You do have to wonder what some people are on. But then isn’t everything marketing bollocks? This year we spotted:
which was the advertising slogan on an office block not far from us which is being rebuilt into flats.
And finally we come to …
Do what?
Follow the link and just try to make sense of this blog post, because it beats me …
And that’s all for this 2018 edition. We’ll be on the lookout for brilliance again next year; contributions are always welcome.