Traditionally we have a round-up of the amusements we’ve encountered during the year, but 2017 has been noted for it’s total lack of amusement due to multitudinous stupidities – mostly of the UK and US governments. However there were a few bright spots amongst the gloom.
Product of the Year
The three top contenders for this year’s accolade are:
Unwaxed & Unflavored Dental Floss For Use As Yoni Egg Retrieval String
Mummy Prawns (below left) which Noreen encountered in the flesh, but which Iceland have sadly renamed since Halloween!
Aroma Home Fuzzy Friends Slippers; they come in “unicorn” (above right) and “white rabbit”.
Outstanding News Headlines
I cannot reduce the field beyond these four beauties:
Donald Trump: a man so obnoxious that karma may see him reincarnated as himself
Shaquille O’Neal Thinks Earth Is Flat Because It Doesn’t Go Up And Down When He Drives
Alice Cooper finds Warhol artwork after decades rolled up in storage
[Man] jailed for threatening lamp-posts and bollards with a knife in Bristol
Crass Media Statements
We just can’t beat this one from Chiltern Railways on Twitter in May …
This is due to congestion caused by earlier delays.
The medal for Plonker of the Year has to go to the Lancashire man poisoned after eating cherry seeds.
Best Music Track Title
Not a new track, but one I hadn’t encountered before: John Willis Ferret by the Oldham Tinkers
Best Place Name
Marsh Gibbon. It’s a small village in Buckinghamshire near Bicester.
Best Animal
Nova Scotia Duck Tolling Retriever
Recipe of the Year
There is no winner here this year, although we thought you should be warned that someone taught a computer to write cookbooks and its recipe ideas are hilariously weird.
We can’t wait to try Salmon Beef Style Chicken Bottom.
Best Neologisms
We spotted two brilliant neologisms this year …
Landscape homeopathy – whatever the fuck that is!
Vaginal wedge – which contributed to its perpetrator winning a Bad Sex Award.
Best Piece of Trivia
We have to thank Barnaby Page on Facebook for this:
One of my favourite bits of trivia is that there is exactly one ATM in the entire continent of Antarctica (it’s an excellent quiz question). But tonight I have discovered something even more wonderful – there is an ATM in Vatican City with instructions in Latin!
Best Photographs
Three contenders for the title here …
And now we come to the final section …
Do What?
Somewhere during the year we came across these felting instructions:
And finally this, from an advert, courtesy of Steve Olle on Facebook:
To part time editor: I hope you could think our work as possible forever work or hobbies at your later future.
By no means a bumper year, so with luck 2018 will do better.