The Earworm (Halicocephalus strepitus) is a microscopic parasite most commonly found in the inner ear of human beings. These creatures have long been assumed benign due to their symbiotic relationship with nearly all human people and a lack of evidence pointing to their presence as a source of harm. Several scientists attempted to narrow down exactly what earworms subsist on and why our humble ear canals provide such a hospitable environment. Their now-classified research went largely unfinished as the full 8 person team vanished after a few months of experimentation; this wasn’t uncommon for scientists in the 19th century. Though there are few discernible benefits to being an earworm host, there are no demonstrable negative effects either. To keep it that way, make sure you nourish your earworm with high quality repetition. Childhood commercial jingles and any music to which you can recall fewer than 5 consecutive words of lyrics are ideal, but playground songs and modern electronic pop are great alternatives. Odd words and nonsense phrases (eg. tuberous phalange, cantankerous, spoon plumage, serving Council of Nicaea realness) are a sign that your earworms are healthy but restless. Don’t let them become restless.
From: Figueroa’s Findings on the Habits of Everyday Monsters at